out of without

out-minicover
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that's not it

all he ever hears is his own voice.
all he ever touches is himself.
all he ever sees is his reflection and not me
and all i ever hear is his voice
all i ever touch is him
all i ever see is his reflection and not me
and that’s not it
that’s not what i want, no
that’s not it at all
that’s not it
that’s not what i paid for
all he ever plays with are his own toys
all he ever reads is what he writes
all he ever eats is what he’s cooking for himself
and all i ever play with are his toys
all i ever read is what he writes
all i ever eat is what he’s cooking for himself
and that’s not it
that’s not what i want. no
that’s not it at all
that’s not it
that’s not what i paid for
maybe if i let my hair down
maybe if i smile
maybe if i walk behind him
if i have his child, i’ll be fine
all he ever thinks of is his own life
all he ever turns on is his light
all he ever loves is his opinions and not mine
and that’s not it
that’s not what i want, no
that’s not it at all
that’s not it
that’s not what i paid for

laugh about it

so claustrophobic in this place, he said managing a smile. words were spinning in his mind. the writing on the wall read life is but a joke. another key lost. a glass breaks against the wall. he knows there is no cure for what’s eating him. please pinch me, he said, this lack of clarity is killing me. but all he hears them say is, laugh about it, darling. laugh about it. break free. and all he hears them say is, smile at it, darling. smile at it. now drink your milk.

she’s hungry for a change. she’s dying for a chance. she’s a fountain when she cries. she’s hanging by a thread without a safety net. she’s falling down. the beggar meets the clown. they spy. what can they see with eyes so blind? it’s fine, she lies. i have it all under control. but all she hears them say is, laugh about it, darling. laugh about it. break free. and all she hears them say is, smile at it, darling. smile at it. now be naïve.

we’ll rise to breathe before the sun burns off the mist. believe me not. what do we care. we are not here to stay. all we hear them say is, laugh about it, darling. laugh about it. break free. and all we hear them say is, smile at it, darling. smile at it. now drink your milk.

out

let’s leave it here cause i don’t want to see
where it all ends
i am swinging back and forth
say is it worth it? let’s fold it up before words
say too much and we can’t bring them out
let’s leave it now cause i don’t want to spend my
life coloring you. you’ve been standing in the light
and now you’re see-through. you dropped your guns,
lost your gravity, starved the secret
and now it’s painfully clear
it’s funny how an empty shell creates space
funny how weight makes a curl go straight
funny how barriers feed the escape
and now i am out
you’ve been all i’ve had so far, so good, so kind, so morally
correct that it feels too pure, too realistically fake
to live this way
funny how i efface you
funny how i need to jump this red
and i am out
let’s leave it now
you see, our tightly tied lace is wearing out

days like this...

days like this…
looking through limpid glass…
seemingly untouched by the hands of time…
savouring what’s left of our innocence…
before green leaves turn to gold
days like this…
crazy not to pin them down…
there’s got to be a way to stay
in this pure untroubled morning
before the need to change comes suddenly
before we turn the page
before we move on…
…and suddenly we see freedom isn’t free
suddenly we see we are
as little as a shooting star in a galaxy
so i’m going to leave the light on secretly
before a leap in the dark.
before i move on…
if only we could learn to give
what we have instead of what we need
if only we were the architects
of our own days…
days like this…
outgrowing our universe…
there’s got to be a way to stay
in this pure untroubled moment
days like this…
crazy not to be alive

furious

there’s a second to get up before the second slip
there’s a second to patch up emptiness
there’s a second to learn who you are before the meaning changes
but there is no second course
there’s a second to clean up your face before the second spit
there’s a second before the apple starts to rust
there’s a second to re-adjust your bags and take a second turn
but there is no second course
and i know that it’s a bite i can’t digest
i know i can’t leave it to the side
and yes, i’m furious too
yes, i’m furious
there’s a second to prop up new walls before the second quake
there’s a second to sit back and meditate
and there’s a second thought. and there’s a second door
but there is no second course
and i know that i can knit a world that fits me
but i know i can’t rewind
i know i cannot bribe time
and yes, i’m furious too
yes, i’m furious
we’re thrown in and soon enough we are a member of this endless countdown
i’m deep down but in a second i could start to kick my way back to the atmosphere
there’s a second of despair before you make it big
there’s a second to reveal your frailty
there’s a second to learn who you are before the meaning changes
but there is no second course
and yes, i’m furious too
yes, i’m furious like you

sometimes you lose

how many times have i died?
how many times to survive?
how many times have i changed?
how many times?
sometimes you lose to be the winner
sometimes you shoot to be the hunted one
sometimes you move to be right where you stand
sometimes you lose
how many times have i walked in circles?
how many times to arrive?
how many times have i waited?
how many times?
sometimes you look to see nothing
sometimes you ruin to build a better place
sometimes you push to be stepped over
sometimes you lose
how many times have i hurt in silence?
how many times with no friends?
how many times have i changed?
how many times?

secretary

do you want me to come down and try and reach you?
i will be your secretary if you want me to
it took your four blows to make me give up my world for you
and now that i am empty-handed why can’t i find you?
well, it’s four in the morning and your touch feels like death
but as long as i breathe i’ll stay alive
now i’ve found some self-respect and a man. we have a child
and now you break in, soaked in anger, to break me in two
well, i don’t give a damn about you now. i am not afraid
cause as long as i breathe i’ll stay alive
and it’s too soon to die

rolling down the gutter

20 million bucks went rolling down the gutter
as you pulled the chain again
i took an early train
now i’m hiding in a motel with our shame
i still remember the beautiful poems
you recited all night long
i still remember the place where you drove me
but i don’t know what went on
you said you’d love to see me grow
you said i was part of your life
you said you’d always be around
but did you take me for a daughter
or did you take me for a lover?
did you take me at all?

how

how a little less is so much more
how very loud cannot be heard
how much lonelier it feels in a crowd
how are we caged in our own limits
how can these tears be centuries old
how many knots will die with us undone
how can all this fighting bring any peace
how come many words get stuck between our teeth
how falling down can be uplifting
how right we are when we say we are wrong
how much prettier you look now without your war paint on
how lost we can get by following the path
how much more weight will we carry on our backs
how are we afraid of what we still don’t know
how can i accept i’m stuck on this boat with one oar
the more i eat the more i seem to crave
the more i learn the less i understand
how can love and anger go hand in hand
how do my mistakes make you a better man
how far can we get with an anchor unweighed
how am i supposed to live otherwise
how

safe here

to the balls i thought i had
to the minute i didn’t buy
to the fear i made mine
to the river i never stopped from flowing
i gave it all not knowing
that defeat could taste so nice
cause it’s all right now
it’s all right
i am safe here
i am
to the world i never changed
to the trigger i couldn’t pull
to the bitter taste of pride
to the line i never dared to cross
i thought i’d die if i lost
but i’ve never felt so alive
cause it’s all right now
it’s all right
i am safe here
i am
in my arms
i shot at a star but i got a fly
i aimed at the sun but i got caught in the rain
i tried to live up to what was expected of me
i thought i should try at least
it’s all right now
it’s all right
i am safe here
i am
in my arms